I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
