What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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