and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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