he was CRYING into my vagina
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
