They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
