How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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