Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
