All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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