If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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