oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
