Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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