Whod you bang
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
