Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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