We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
