we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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