She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My feet surprised me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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