Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
