Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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