Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
