Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
