did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
