Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
