The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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