At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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