oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
4 words: hood of his car
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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