I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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