well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
