I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She even gives head with a lisp.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
not ubering you a puppy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
