I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
