She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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