U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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