I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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