You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
