dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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