i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
