I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
