I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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