we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
