My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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