He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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