I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
