So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize