i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
