You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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