Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize