I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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