All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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