And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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