Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
