I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
