He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
