Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
