It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
