how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
