I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
