I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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