So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
