i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize