Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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