we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
