I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I believe in your delicious
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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