Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
