That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
