dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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