It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
