oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Randomize
