he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
