Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
