I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
