You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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