Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
