I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
