Whod you bang
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize